Love Languages
Somewhere in the depths of the internet, someone said that your love language is what you haven't received as a child. Reflecting on that statement, I think there is some truth to it.
The way I show love is through gifts. I love buying something and gifting it to someone because I remembered it. I love spending time with the people that I love, so I usually get out of my way to find a way to spend time with them, even if it meant losing sleep.
The way I want to be loved is simple - react to what I say, tell me you're listening. I didn't have that as a kid, and the events 2 hours ago strengthened that fact.
My parents dropped by my apartment to get the Christmas gifts I bought for them. It was the usual banter; they were happy with the gifts, they were very thankful.
I had a few hours with them (2 specifically), and I was excited to tell them about my day. I had a pretty exciting and interesting day, I thought. The moment I got home, I immediately called my fiancé about it, and he was attentive. He gave insight on my feelings, and thought it looked like a fun day. I was happy. I thought my parents would think the same, so I started speaking. A few minutes into my enthusiasm, I just noticed they're not responding, nor were they looking at me. They were scrolling through their phones, I stopped abruptly. No one was listening.
I went back to watch the film I was watching, and resumed playing Tetris. After a few minutes, my dad exclaimed he thought a post was stupid, I put my earphones away for a bit. I was playing Tetris so I waited for him to show me his phone before I look at him, but he backed away and said "You're not paying attention to me." I said "Well, you didn't show me anything?"
It's interesting how quick they can clock that if it happened to them.
My mom shows her love through gifts as well. She will not be there on most of my recitals, she will not be listening to my stories, she will not hug me, nor shower me with words, but if you need something, she'll happily buy that for you. Based on her stories, she always had to work hard for everything she got, and when she needed something, her siblings would be snarky and inconsiderate with her when she asked for money. She shows her love by generosity she never got.
My dad shows his love through being there. If you need to go somewhere, he'll give you a ride. If you need food, he'll make sure he'll make you some. He won't be buying much stuff, not that affectionate either, but with everything he's got, he'll make sure he'll share it with you. I presume that's because growing up, he didn't have much. He was the second eldest, and while he has an older brother, he was always the one looking out for everyone while his older brother studied. Everybody assumed he's okay because he's taking care of everyone, and now, he's the one showing the care he never got when he was younger.
While we all feel a little sad we don't get much of what we yearn for, reflecting on the whys can surely alleviate the pain, even for a bit.
I originally thought of writing this as a snarky attestation to how my parents won't even listen to their only child. However, while typing it down, it does make sense why they act the way I do. I can never be too angry at my parents. We all have flaws, and they did their best.